Things Society Doesn't Tell Me About Sexual Violence

There are things society talks about openly, and then there are things it buries in silence. Sexual assault often lives in that silence. Some of the most damaging myths about sexual assault aren't just wrong — they shape how survivors are treated, how stories are believed, and whether people ever feel safe enough to speak at all.

Why Sexual Violence So Often Goes Unreported

When I reflect on why sexual violence is so underreported, a few things stand out to me.

Studies indicate that nearly 1 in 3 women — and, nationally, about 1 in 6 men — will experience some form of sexual violence in their lifetime. In Utah, these numbers are above the national average and are still considered an underestimate.

Of the roughly 4,200 sexual assault cases reported to law enforcement in Utah in 2024, only 38% were referred to prosecutors for review.

Victim blaming. This is one of the biggest reasons survivors stay silent. I hear questions like: "What were you wearing?", "Why didn't you fight back?", "You shouldn't have gone home with them," or "Are you sure you said no?" These questions place responsibility on the victim instead of the person who caused harm.

Fear. Many survivors fear not being believed, fear how others will treat them, or even feel pressure to protect the person who hurt them.

Uncertainty about whether it "counts." Sexual violence is not always black and white. Survivors may question themselves, feel guilt or shame, or minimize their experiences, which can make reaching out for support feel even harder.

Still loving the person who caused harm. Abuse, betrayal, or harm do not automatically erase attachment, history, or emotional connection. Love can exist alongside fear, anger, grief, confusion, or resentment, and that contradiction is often difficult for both survivors and outsiders to understand. People may still remember moments of kindness, shared experiences, promises, or the version of the person they hoped existed. Emotional bonds can persist even after serious harm — especially in relationships shaped by dependency, manipulation, loyalty, family ties, or long periods of affection. And that is okay. That is normal. That is human.

Realities About Sexual Violence I Wish We Talked About More Openly

Your body's response is not consent

One of the biggest misconceptions I see is around physiological arousal during assault. Survivors of sexual violence may experience lubrication, erection, or even orgasm during unwanted and nonconsensual experiences. This does NOT mean there was consent, enjoyment, or desire. While society often associates arousal with pleasure, the body can also respond this way as a protective mechanism to reduce physical injury (Suschinsky & Lalumière, 2011). It's similar to a squid expelling ink or a pufferfish enlarging itself for protection — these bodily reactions are part of your nervous system responding to extreme fear.

There is no "correct" way to respond

Some survivors may experience hypersexuality, engage in risky sexual behavior, avoid intimacy altogether, or struggle to experience pleasure. Emotionally, reactions vary just as widely. While media often portrays survivors as visibly emotional, many people instead feel numb, detached, frozen, withdrawn, or dissociated.

Trauma lives in the body, too

Sexual violence does not only affect emotions — it can affect the entire body. Survivors may experience chronic pain, neurological symptoms, gastrointestinal distress, autoimmune disorders, chronic inflammation, cardiovascular issues, sensory numbness, memory difficulties, hormonal and metabolic changes, and respiratory problems.

I want survivors to know this: your experience is not "all in your head." Trauma has real emotional and physical effects. Your experiences are real and deserve to be heard.

Your Story Matters to Me

In my office, it is an honor to be trusted with someone's story. I strive to create a space where survivors feel safe, supported, and in control of their healing process. Therapy offers confidentiality and choice. You decide what you want to share and when you want to share it. After an experience where control may have been taken away, therapy can become a place where autonomy is rebuilt.

I also want people to know that all emotions are welcome. There is no right or wrong way to feel after sexual violence. Whether someone feels anger, numbness, fear, grief, confusion, or nothing at all, those responses deserve compassion rather than judgment.

If you or someone you love has been affected by sexual violence, I want you to know you are not alone. At Mending Minds, we work with survivors every day, and I see the courage it takes to reach out for support. Everyone deserves a space where they can safely share their story and feel heard without shame or judgment.

Somewhere inside you, there may still be a part hoping for relief, healing, or peace. I hope you listen to that part. Healing is possible, and you do not have to carry this alone.

This blog post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute therapy or medical advice. If you're in crisis, please use the resources listed above or contact emergency services.